Being not Becoming Male*

I have been a man* for as long as I can remember. True, it took me a long time to understand what I was experiencing and accept what that experience meant, but always I relate to others as a man*, love as a man*, and enjoy life best when I love the man* I am.

A phrase I’ve often heard in the trans* world of physical transition is “I am becoming… (a woman or man).” I do not relate to this language. It assumes we are changing into something we were not before, which undermines what I already know myself to be. My body has always felt itself to be male*, whether or not my mind was fully aware for my being is not what most understand or categorize by. To many (even to myself) this may sound like some sort of magic or hocus pocus, and I assure you… it is.

Self Portrait from Journal.

Self Portrait from Journal.

I am not male, but male* (like trans*, I am a wild card male. You cannot understand my maleness by the usual parameters). I am still maneuvering my life within a binary understanding, but my world and self are everything but binary. I believe, and actually live, in this world that so many of our institutions and human members understand as irrational, mentally disturbed, and primitive (because it is too based on instinct). To me, this magical world is the full embracing of our daily magical universe that I admire and give praise to.

Physical transition feels like the loving next step in my life. Since the option is available, I am happy to take advantage of the natural evolution of human possibility.