Here’s a little poem on how I’m trying to channel today:
Soothing giggles from a distant source
Swim through an impenetrable mist
Of thick and tumultuous vapor,
Sneak through a finger’s crevice
By massaging along the way
And finally delivers the gift
Of joyous meditation,
Enlightening the spirit with rest.
I’m going to my second transgender support group meeting tonight. Last time I was a nervous wreck with racing thoughts and shaking knees. Besides the physical craziness I was SO glad to finally meet people I could relate to – who knew! As much time as I’ve spent in, what I identified as “alternative” spaces they’ve almost always been gendered. Also, going to a support group makes it feel all the more real. Something I wasn’t able to handle two years ago when I first looked it up. I’m ready to live my life out in the open, instead of hiding, and spend most of my time thinking about how to make this happen. It’s also nice to go somewhere where no one knows my past and sees me just as Ollie and refers to me as he. 🙂
On another note, my body is hurting from binding so am wearing a regular sports bra. Unfortunately this also means my paranoia about feeling stared at has increased dramatically. I’ve even over heard at least two conversations by women asking what gender they think I am. I hate feeling like a trivia question. Anyone else have these feelings?